Here I am, send me!

Homily for the 5th Sunday in Ordinary Time, February 9-10, 2013.
The first homily as Deacon Greg.

Readings: Is 6:1-2a, 3-8; Ps 138:1-2, 2-3, 4-5, 7-8; 1 Cor 15:1-11 or 15:3-8, 11; Lk 5:1-11

What would be your reaction if you heard the voice of the Lord saying “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?”

Our reaction might be “Hear God’s voice?” Or “I am not worthy.”

But God does communicate with all of us. He does it through scripture, in prayer, and through others such as our family, co-workers and friends. Often we miss his voice because of our busyness, the noise in our lives or maybe, we haven’t yet learned how God communicates with use.

My niece Stephanie came up from Colorado for my ordination. We were talking about a lot of things, catching up, and we asked if her 1+ year old daughter Adalyn was talking much yet. Stephanie said it is mostly the babbling “baby talk” and recently Adalyn came up to her and it sounded like she was asking a question. Stephanie didn’t know what was being asked, but she responded with a “Yes”. So Adalyn went right over to play with something she wasn’t supposed to play with.

For much of my life, I didn’t know how God communicated with me. But I had a desire to learn. So I started reading the Bible. I started praying more – the Rosary and eventually the Liturgy of the Hours. I tried meditative prayer. I tried sitting in silence. And at the suggestion of my Spiritual Director, I started Journaling, basically writing down whatever came to mind after reading scripture, praying, etc. Through this process, I discovered, God most often communicated with me through visions.

Now, I can’t explain or add any more about the visions of Isaiah or Paul than what is in the Bible. But I can describe some visions God gave me.

On September 29, 2005, while doing Evening Prayer, Psalm 16 came up. In Psalm 116, verses 14 and 18 are identical. “My vows to the Lord I will fulfill before all his people.” When I read that a second time in verse 18, it was like time stopped. It was like I was a movie and God was showing me what the next 30 or so years of my life would be. And the main thing he showed me, was me, talking in front of a group of people, dressed as a Deacon. It was at that moment, I knew what God was asking of me. But my response was like Isaiah’s, Paul’s and Peter’s in today’s readings. I doubted. I saw my sinfulness. I knew my unworthiness. But I started discerning if this was really what God was asking of me.

Almost three years later, I still had many doubts. On the morning of September 8, 2008, which is the date the church celebrates the nativity or birth of Mary, I was struggling with Morning Prayer. I couldn’t concentrate, I kept re-reading the psalms, when I felt a presence next to me. I turned to my left and sitting on the edge of the couch right next to me was Mary, our Blessed Mother. She didn’t say a word, simply pointed across the room. I looked to see where she was point and standing there was Jesus. He didn’t say a word, simply waving his finger in a motion of “Come, follow me.” It was at that moment I that finally said yes to the Deaconate.

I don’t know which of the things I did helped me to understand that God most often communicates with me in visions. And I challenge you to learn how God communicates with you. Have a desire to learn. Build a personal relationship with Him.

There are many ways to do this.

One way to start might be with receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. With Lent starting in a few days, it is the perfect time to receive the Sacrament. There will be many communal services. But there are also the regularly scheduled times here at Our Lady of the Black Hills to receive the Sacrament on Wednesdays and Saturdays. And if those times don’t work, you can always make an appointment.

Another way to learn how God communicates with you is to work on your prayer life. Try different methods of prayer, find one or more that works for you. Maybe start journaling. Just be open to learning how God communicates with you.

And once you learn how God communicates with you, then the next time you hear, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” you response might just be “Here I am, send me!”